The Perils of the Menopause - A Survival Guide
If you're reading this, chances are you're navigating the hormonal rollercoaster of the menopause or you're preparing for it! Welcome, good luck, hold on tight!
1/17/20252 min read
Menopause is weird. It's a vast array of symptoms sponsored by "is it hot in here?" and "where did I put that?" It's also a badge of honour, a certain phase of life for women, a new chapter, an opportunity for reinvention. So embrace the heat, accept the lost and forgotten keys, wallet, glasses, and remember you're not losing your mind - just shedding your old one!
There are bonuses:
No more periods - this has to be worth celebrating! How have we coped with all those years of this monthly inconvenience, chaos, nightmare?!
You can speak your mind (and blame the menopause) - You no longer have time for nonsense. If someone irritates you, you suddenly have the skills and boldness just to tell them - eloquently, fiercely, assertively.
Wisdom gained - You've earned your stripes. You know how to spot a bargain, you know the shortcuts for all the chores, and you can spot a toxic person faster than a sniffer dog.
But there's also:
Mood Swings
You'll cry because you've burnt the toast. You'll cry over adverts about the donkey sanctuary. You'll cry at the end of most films! Your emotions are on a spin cycle powered by demonic energies. One minute you're laughing, the next you're threatening divorce over the messy kitchen and the incorrectly filled dishwasher. And how dare your partner say "Good Morning" in that tone of voice at this time of the morning.....
Memory Fog
Who am I? Why am I here? Ever walk into a room and think those things? Or standing staring at the keys / mobile phone / glasses whilst your frantically trying to remember what you're looking for....
Menopause gives you the memory and reliability of a toddler with a sugar high. You forget names, appointments, your PIN number, the name of your colleagues.....
On the bright side, every day is a surprise! How will your brain fog perform today?!
Can't Sleep, Won't Sleep
What happened to sleep routine. Deep sleep, or any long periods of sleep appear to be a rarity. Your brain is much happier running through the timeline of all your nights out in 1993, or the decisions you made in 2004, or how much you've spent in the last 2 months, penny by penny! On the plus side, you can catch up on all those TV series you've been meaning to watch - and spend more as you pass the hours online shopping!
Fashion Side Effects
Comfort suddenly becomes the most important element of the wardrobe. Menopause affects the wardrobe to accommodate heatwaves, bloat and the possibility that your mood might require comfort over style! Floaty dresses, tracksuit bottoms, oversized T-shirts, flat comfy shoes.....
Don't worry, all symptoms will pass (so I'm told). So enjoy this phase while it lasts. Make the most of the comfy clothes, the honesty generating mood swings and the excuses of a quiet night in that menopause provides.
Meanwhile pass the wine, and my glasses,....now where are my glasses....they were just here...or were they in the fridge?!